Turning around a failure

December 8, 2011 at 5:07 pm Leave a comment

I have exams this week and I have been beyond stressed lately, to the point where I’ve been driving myself crazy.  On top of everything, I haven’t been able to practice for a while because my pole broke and I’m waiting to receive a part from the company.  To relieve some stress, I decided to work a practice into my schedule yesterday at the studio.  My main goal for the day was to film a routine I had put together but had not been able to rehearse at home.  I wanted to be able to use the video as a submission for an upcoming showcase, and although I knew it probably wouldn’t be perfect, at least it would be a start.  At best, I hoped to run through the routine a couple times and film it just so I could go back and see what needed to be fixed; I would worry about perfecting it later.  In reality, things didn’t go so well. 

I don’t know if it was a combination of having stayed up late studying, having consumed too much caffeine, not having touched a pole in a week and stressing about everything else going on in my life, but I just couldn’t make the routine work.  It looked so beautiful in my head and I was sure I could get through it since it was all stuff I’d done before, but no such luck.  My hands were slipping, I couldn’t keep from getting dizzy, and barely halfway through the practice I started to feel nauseous and shaky.  I was beyond frustrated.

As I was lying on the floor trying to calm down, I couldn’t help but think, Well this really sucks.  But you’re here now, and you paid for the space, so you might as well use it.  So I sat up, drank some water, changed the song, and forgot about the routine.  Instead, I left the camera on and just danced.

At first, it was really ugly.  I couldn’t clear my head of all the excess junk that was floating around, and when I did try to focus on the pole, I started thinking too much about my next move.  So I backed up and replayed the song over and over again until I was able to let go a little.

The video below is what I came up with.  Even though there are plenty of things I wish I had tried that didn’t end up in my dance, I’m pretty happy with it.  I had felt so low before I started, and yet I was able to turn the practice around in my favor – even though it turned into something I hadn’t planned.  By the time I left the studio, I was actually in a pretty good mood, and it carried over into my pole class that night.  In fact, I even got a new move that I had recently given up on, simply because I told myself to let go of the expectations and go for it.

Sometimes we all just need to practice letting go of everything – the stress, the disappointment, the feeling of failure.  I pole because it makes me feel good and I can use it to escape from other negativity in my life, but sometimes I have to remind myself not to let pole get me down, too.  The extra stress is just not worth it.

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Entry filed under: Inspiration. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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